Return of the Christian Album Covers!

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the thrift store…. They’re back! 

Yes, you remember those hilariously horrible old Christian album covers I found in one of my old silly posts? Unbelievably tacky pictures from a bygone era of people who were trying to be really cool, and failing dismally, and thinking they succeeded? Kitschy graphic design paired with outmoded fashion that seemed like a good idea at the time? Inspirational reflections on the transitory nature of cynicism?

I found some more!

All My Friends Are Dead

I always appreciate a positive, uplifting message.

Pouring Water on a Drowning Man

When baptism goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Geraldine and Ricky: Trees Talk Too!

They say: “She has desecrated our brother’s remains and made them into a talking puppet. There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this treachery.”

Thank You For The Dove

“…It was just what I wanted. The socks were nice too. Next Christmas I want a Klondike Bar.”

Pick a caption:
A. “Dude. They’re like, right in front of you.”
B. The chilling beginning of the first Christian zombie movie.
C. “Man’s most puzzling question?” That’s a grave mistake.

Hot Line To Heaven

“Hello? St. Cecelia? Yeah, I just wanted to make sure– it’s E, B, G, D, A, E, right? OK, thanks, bye.”

Undercover: Boys and Girls, Renounce the World

Instead of being punks with guns,
You should all be monks and nuns!

Swing That Gospel Axe

Folk-inspired reinterpretations of the religious music of Henry VIII.

Here Comes Jesus

Squeeeeeeeeeee! He’s bigger than the Beatles!

Jesus Loves Me

“But whenever I ask Him what He thinks of my suit, He changes the subject.”

I Wrestled With God

All new: the amazing Divine Wrestling workout! Act now for this limited time offer! Exercise just seconds a day and see the life-changing improvement in your wardrobe!
*Results not typical.

Healer of Broken Hearts

Shortly afterward, the “Cardiology by Correspondence” class was shut down.

King David Sings

My, he’s aged well.

Sings Your Requests

No, no– The image consultant said you should look more like Lennon, not Lenin.

The Mystery Singer

Come on, we all can guess who this is

And finally, the winner:

Truth in advertising?

See also: Christian Album Covers: The Hall of Silliness

AuthorEric Pazdziora

Composer, Author, Pianist

16 replies to Return of the Christian Album Covers!

  1. The only thing funnier than these truly wretched album covers are your brilliant captions!

  2. Top marks Eric – both for finding them – and for the excellent captions…

  3. Haha, thanks! The captions were a lot of fun to write.

  4. My favorite caption is # 3.
    My favorite album cover is a toss up between #3 and the last one.

    • I liked those too… thanks for commenting!

      • The Napoleon Dynomite one definitly gets an honorable mention.

  5. Genius!!! Thanks for sharing these. I want to email your post to everyone I know.

    • Please do! 🙂

  6. Oh my goodness. Thank you for a good laugh.

    • Glad to be of service. Thanks for the comment!

  7. BWAHAHAHA! Love these. Thanks for that.

    • You’re welcome! Thanks for stopping by.

  8. Couldn’t resist doing a link post from my blog – goes live tomorrow

    • I’m flattered!

  9. Your blog was the icing on the cake of an unexpected day off. Thank you for the humorous blast from the past (above), your music , and also for your excellent, thought-provoking writing. (I’m here by way of Jenna — had to check out the Thornfield website!)

    • Thanks, Kimby! Great to hear from a Thornfield fan (one of the first!). I appreciate your kind words.

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