Mr. Jones Has a Card Party

Program Notes

Original score by Eric Pazdziora for the 1909 short comedy film “Mr. Jones Has a Card Party”. Commissioned by the Library of Congress.

Lyrics by John Patrick Pazdziora, with quotations from Calculus: The Language of Change by Keith Stroyan (Creative Commons license).

Performed by Eric Pazdziora (piano / vocals), Joey Marcellino (saxophone), Daphine Henderson (bass). Recorded live at the University of Maryland.

Mr. Jones Has a Card Party (1909)
Director: D.W. Griffith
Production: Biograph Company (USA)
Screenplay: D.W. Griffith
Starring: John R. Cumpson, Florence Lawrence, Linda Arvidson, Robert Harron
Release: January 1909. Public Domain.

Lyrics

How many stories up are we?
Is it thirteen, is it twelve, or is it only six?
I’d kinda like to know,
How very many floors there are below.
I can’t recall how many floors there are,
How many stories up are we?

And do they count the thirteenth floor
If there’s a thirteenth floor to count
And by chance does a thirteenth floor
Help drop velocity?

And if they count the thirteenth floor
Do they neglect to count the fourth?
Perhaps unlucky number four
Might help velocity?

How many stories up are we?
Is it just six or ten or fifty-two?
I kinda want to know
How rather many floors we have below,
I can’t recall how many floors there are,
How many stories up are we?

The ideas of velocity and acceleration
are familiar in everyday experience,
but now, we want to connect them with calculus.
We want you to sketch a graph of the distance travelled
as a function of elapsed time
on your next visit to Grandmother.
The correct QUALITATIVE SHAPE of the graph
means things like
NOT crashing into Grandmother’s garage
at 50 miles-per-hour.
Velocity is speed plus direction.
Which one is GAS and which one is BRAKES?
How could the police convict Grandmother
just using your graph?
Oh, yeah—microscopes.
You should understand the function version
Of this calculation
:

V is for Velocity and S stands in for Speed
O equals the object and P is probably–
V times S plus O divided over P
VO (bracket) over P will finally equal Speed.
How many stories up are we?

How many stories up are we?
Is it twenty-six, or maybe eight?
I’d really like to know
Just how far it is below
I can’t recall how many floors there are—
How many stories are we?

If anyone should call, tell her that I’m not here,
And if she calls, please say that I just left,
If someone calls, please tell her that I’ve locked the door,
That I won’t see her anymore
That I don’t need her anymore
That I’ve gone out
That I’m away,
I’m not all right
But that’s okay,
I’m running high,
I’m flying free—
How many stories up are we?

How many stories up are we?
Is it thirteen, fourteen, or maybe eight?
I’d really like to know
How very many floors there are below
I can’t recall how many floors there are—
How many stories up are we?

AuthorEric Pazdziora

Composer, Author, Pianist